Wednesday, February 13, 2008

MrsNordin No. 1

I've delayed this posting coz I've lost interest in the subject. Here, trying to revive it. It's gonna be a long one...


For those who don't know me, I'm not the first MrsNordin. I'm the second one. The first MrsNordin died due to heart complications in April 2001. I met MrNordin in May 2001.


I've never met the first MrsNordin, but I've seen her photos. She was a pretty lady. I remember the first time MrN showed me her photograph, which he kept in his wallet. The first word that came out of my mouth was, "Is she related to Z*ti A*htar?" That's how she looked like.


Mr & MrsNordin No. 1 dated since their London college days. That was a good 17 years of being together before her untimely death. She was 38. They had three beautiful children ~ 2 girls and 1 boy. When she passed away, the eldest was 12 and the youngest was only 7. I asked MrN how they met? He said, he saw her at this party; she was wearing a green jumper. The moment he saw her, he said he knew, she was The One (ek, eleh....) .


Although I've never met MrsNordin No. 1, somehow I feel that we have quite a lot in common. For example, clothings. I have several blouses which are the same as what she had in her wardrobe; several pairs of baju kurung which I'm sure I'd pick up if I had seen them on display; and several pairs of shoes which I'd bought if I'd come across them.


I like animal prints and black & white; she had lots of those. I like polka dots, she had them too. Books - we now have two copies of the SAME book in our library (not one, but a few titles). She kept several journals; I have the same. We went to the same hair stylist and had our clothes made at the same tailor in Wisma Lim Foo Yong. How do you explain that? I was shocked when I first found out about it.


She tak rajin masak; I pun tak rajin masak juga.. Hee... heee.... :)


But there are differences, of course, and these I gathered from MrN, the kids or relatives who told me stories about her. Personality wise, we are different:

1) She had a very strong leadership character & highly temperamental. Me? I'm not like that at all.

2) If she didn't like something, she'd make sure the other person knew about it. I don't; I'd keep quiet.

3) She won't allow MrN to go alone for whatever business/function coz her policy was, "If I don't go, you don't go!" I - tak kisah, as long as you don't go overboard (I think that's why MrN jolly sakan sekarang sebab I allow him to go out with his friends - alone!).

4) She doesn't eat at gerai or pegi pasar malam. I like!!!


I was a bit apprehensive at first about marrying MrN. You know... he had a previous life, a previous wife. I wasn't sure if the late wife was ok with me marrying her husband and take over her place, you know what I mean? I was afraid if I've made the wrong decision, or the marriage would be a disaster... those sort of things.


Until one night, I dreamt of her. We were in JB at that time, on holiday with the kids, tapi belum kawin lagi. Another month or so to go. I dreamt I was attending a wedding at my late grandparents' house. She was there, receiving guests who arrived for the wedding with MrN standing just behind her. She was wearing this purple baju kebaya made of kain songket, and was looking very young & cheerful. I distinctively remembered her face because the dream was very real. I went up to her and shook her hands. I said, "Wah... you're looking very cheerful!" She replied, "Ya ke?" and continued to smile. I just watched her, and the dream ended.


Several nights later, I dreamt of her again. This time, we were at a shopping complex. She was wearing this mustard-colored two piece suit with a big handbag in hand. She looked her age. In my dream, we were going up the escalator when I asked her, "You know when I met you the last time, somehow I felt you were not happy. Is that right?" She sighed, turned to me and said, "You know, it's not easy being here. I wish you all would offer more prayers and doa for me here." Wow... that was scary!! I woke up sweating and it was 3 o'clock in the morning! I quickly told MrN about it and he did a small doa selamat for her at the masjid.


The final dream I had, which made it clear what she was trying to tell me, happened a week after the second dream. In that dream, she was wearing white. She was talking to me, over my head as I was lying down in bed. I can't remember exactly what she said, but it was something about asking me to take care of her kids, for her. I woke up from the dream just as the azan subuh berkumandang di luar sana....


After all these dreams, I figured she must be consenting to my marrying her husband. That's when I said, "Yes, let's do it!"


Meeting MrNordin was fated, but becoming his wife was my choice. It was not an easy one, though. I was single, he was a widower. The children, the families, the new responsibilities... these were all big issues that I had to deal with before I could settle down with him.


But the most difficult one was memories of his late wife. She was everywhere! In the bedroom, in the hallway, in the study room, on the dressing table... I felt like a complete stranger living in that house. Everyone talked about her as if she was still alive. Kids would go, "Remember tak dulu, Mama used to this, and that etc, etc". My parents in law would go, "Din, engkau ingat tak arwah daa di daa... daa di daa..." . To the extent that sometimes, they even called me by her name!


It took me a while (and a lot of patience) to get used to all that. But MrN said I did very ok. One thing good, he was very understanding and always had a way to explain things during tricky situations. Although other people would talk about the first MrsNordin in front of me as if I did not exist, MrN never did. And that really helped. The kids? The younger ones used to do that in the beginning, but after a while, they just mentioned her as part of their previous lives. They are good kids, I'm telling you, and I'm lucky.


But I knew that sometimes they needed to reminisce about the good old times; so I let MrN go with the kids, just the four of them. I think they deserve it. It would be unfair for me to expect them not to discuss about her in the open, so after a while, we all talked about her as if she's just another person in our lives. We know she's around and listening... so, it's no longer an issue.


They say "Don't marry a man whose wife has passed away because he'll never love you as much as he'd loved his first wife". Maybe that's true, but I don't expect him to love me that way, anyway. I know he loves each one of us in a different way. Perhaps not as much as before, but enough to make me stay in this marriage.


22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your husband and stepkids are lucky to have you in their lives! And you are lucky to have a nice instant family!

Stumbled upon your blog by accident.

MrsNordin said...

Hi Anonymous (whoever you are!),

Thanks for dropping by! It's a suprise to see your comment, coz I don't think many know of my blog. Anyway, I'm getting by...

I wish you'd tell me your name so we won't be strangers anymore.. :) Take care!

wanshana said...

THAT WAS AND IS VERY NOBLE OF YOU, BJ...

All of you are very lucky to have each other in your lives. And I'm sure MrsNordin No. 1 is at peace now knowing that YOU are there for the family.

I'm sure it must be very difficult for you sometimes...And even though you mentioned that you don't really have a strong character - I beg to differ. You ARE a strong person, and you will be fine, insya Allah...More than fine.

God Bless.

MrsNordin said...

Shana,

Your comment made me wanna cry! Waaaaa!!!!

It's nice to hear someone says something nice like that. Makes it all worthwhile... Only girlfriends understand these things...

Thanks!

Anonymous said...

BJ, this is Gina. Don't know who is the other Anonymous person but that one wasn't me.

Oh..I had tears in my eyes after reading this blog entry. Having been with you thru all the heartaches (pre-MrN) & during your courtship with MrN don't you dare call yourself weak! You are b*oody strong, my dearest friend. And you have been strong for me during my difficult moments.

Hey..remember the time you went on the first lunch date with MrN at oooohh..I can't recall the name of that restaurant in KLCC.. How relieved we were that MrN wasn't the guy that we saw coming up the escalator! Rupa-rupanya MrN came early and had spied on you and had decided that you were worth it for him to make an appearance. And the rest was history...

I'm so glad I was part of both your lives then. Happy Valentine's Day, girlfren!

Hope said...

Reading this made me feel grateful of my own situation. I am finding it really difficult trying to blend families, my kids-his kids, my past-his past...but it must be way harder for you being single before and picking up all those bits left from your husband's unfinished previous life..

They say-how would you ever compete with a ghost? They could never do wrong. Mine left his ex after 12 years, simply because it didn't work-still he feels guilty towards his child and this has become an issue for us as we have my kids living with us.

But how very noble of you, for I can never do what you did...

I am sure we will continue to share notes in the future..

IBU said...

Mrs Nordin dear,

U r one such cool wifey I tell ya!

Not 'strong' meh? Bukan juara "bola besi"* for Dang Anum ke? tee hee hee

* what do you call that "bola besi" eh? forgot lah. I dulu comot sangat, lari jer dapat harap. eh! weren't u one of the comot's clan too? hahahaha....

Kmar said...

Mrs Nordin, you are ONE TOUGH lady!!! Salute to your sincerity towards life!!!! God must be giving His blessing to you... to have such an HONORABLE HEART.

Just take things slowly and bit by bit. No one is perfect and we will always try to make the best out of it, betul tak?

Ibu, did u mean ´shot-put´.. eerghh.. or something like that? Memory dah ´kong´laa.. and you are absolutely right our Mrs Nordin was juara Dang Anum ... baju t-shirt hijau tua....laaa... he.he...

Cik Puan Muda Stress said...

hi there..

i guess i'm pretty 'green' when it comes to this kinda issue, but i've been with my partner for 17 years and we've dealt with exes issue in the past, and still, i dont think i can be half as strong or as kind as you are..

have a lovely v day... :)

MrsNordin said...

Hello people!

Thanks for the kind words! I never expected anyone would think of me that way. Tough? Strong?? Until you all pointed it out to me, then only I realised it. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Di pagi-pagi Valentine's Day yang ceria ini, I'm shedding tears reading your comments. Sigh... I am soppy!

Delicate Flower said...

Mrsnordin,
I am anonymous#1, call me delicate flower, though I am neither delicate, nor flower like :-)

MrsNordin said...

Gina,

You were there all along... through thick & thin. Having you as a friend and confidante helped me a lot throughout the years. Can't tell you how much I miss you.. today especially. Wish I could fly to Dhaka right now!

Btw, the restaurant's name is California Pizza. The guy we saw coming up the escalator is now one of MrN's coffee buddies (you know him too, kan?).

When I go back to that very first day of meeting MrN, I can't help laughing. Remember, you were waiting there outside the restaurant anxiously? Pretending as if you didn't know me. You insisted on coming because you wanted to make sure that this MrN is not a crook or something. Hee... hee... it was so funny!

I need to do a special posting for you, lah! I will.

MrsNordin said...

Hope,

Another friend used to say that to me, too.. "How can you ever compete with a ghost?" That's true, they can never do wrong.

I don't know which one is more difficult: if the ex is still around or if the ex is deceased.

I think, I would find it more difficult to handle your situation because there's always the X-factor hanging around somewhere up North (at least yours is thousand miles away!). Handling his kid would be tricky, but luckily it's a boy, not a girl. Otherwise, you'll have even bigger headaches!
However, I think you've done well so far.

I think all women are strong. If you were in my shoes, you'd probably be able to handle it well, too. I'm sure of that.

You're coming back to KL soon? If you feel like meeting a new friend, do let me know, ok. Take care, Hope.

MrsNordin said...

Ibu/Kmar,

For the life of me, I don't remember being the juara for shot put!!! Oh my God... when was that?? I remember the baju hijau Dang Anum, but I don't remember ever being a champion. I think, that must be the case when pasukan lain tarik diri, kut?

Geez... talking about school... ya lah, Ibu... zaman sekolah memang lah "comot". Mana pandai bergaya? No one to impress, either. But we thought we were so cool then, weren't we??

MrsNordin said...

Hi Delicate Flower,

I've visited your blog, but haven't read all your postings. One question: What are you doing there?? Married for 14 years? That's a long time. I should get some tips from you! Take care & thanks!

MrsNordin said...

Cik Puan,

I think you will be able to handle it if you were pushed into the same situation. You will, believe me. Thanks for dropping by!

Delicate Flower said...

mrsnordin,
Actually, we will be celebrating our 16th in April. Tips from me? Nah, sounds like you are doing just fine. I am an accountant by trade (bean counter - that's what they call us here). I came here after SPM (yes, that was what they call it in my days) to go to college, but ended up staying after meeting and marrying my true love :-)

tai tai said...

MrsN, it's me Gina. Managed to get a google id.. Tai Tai by name Tai Tai by profession..although I wish I was a tai tai in KL instead of nothing-to-do Dhaka.

Of all your boyfriends, I believed MrsN you have made the right choice with marrying MrN. Of course there are challenges in every marriage but I believed you have managed to overcome many of those earlier on in the marriage (Penang person, MIL, your stepdaughters, etc). Remember you do need challenges once in a while.. as once they are overcomed, the results will almost always bring both of you closer together.

I'm sure the first MrsN is in peace knowing that her children and her former husband are well taken care by you.

Alright this tai tai have to go to school for her weekly voluntary work. Nak pergi jaga PTA Store. See..told you nothing much to do here sampai jaga PTA Store pun boleh nak volunteer!

MrsNordin said...

Dear Delicate Flower,

16 years is a long time, considering the many divorce cases we hear these days. You must have done something right!

Hey, my time pun SPM, tau? Do you ever come back at all??

MrsNordin said...

Mdm. Tai Tai,

That's a fabulous name for a blog! Fits you like a glove! Go on, start writing lah. Write about your Rombongan Cik Kiah, your recent holiday, the Tiffany ring... ouch! It hurts, you know?

Eta My said...

Hi Bj..got ya!..he..he..remember I asked for ur blog..ttup-tup masa merayap-rayap dlm shana's blog..O yes...and Bj..comel sungguh gambar!..and I like the part where mr&mrs Nordin tu..manja nye dia..
Thnx for sharing..indeed I pernah teringat kat u as u jarang sekali ( to be exact join the srikandi85 chit-chat)..btw..not to late to wish for ur happiness..It's not easy eh! but jodoh ma..as life is beautiful but short..giving in to the one who love to spend the rest of his life with us lady..is indeed part of nikmat dunia..
ok.take care too..

MrsNordin said...

Eta,

Thanks for your kind words. I tak pernah tau pun ada srikandi85 chit chat. "Chit Chat Azwan Ali" I tau lah! Hee.. hee... I ni pemalas actually nya nak chatting on line. Take care!