Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Datin Story

MrN asked me out for drinks after work yesterday. Hmm... kinda fishy, coz it's been a long time since he asked me out like that. I tanya, "Mimpi apa?". He said, "Tak ada mimpi apa. Tak boleh ke?" I said, "Bukan tak boleh, but it's been a long time. Usually husband I minum dengan orang lain..." He said, "Alamak.. kena lagi!"

Anyway, we met at Chinoz. Over two cups of latte and a glass of warm water, he told me two things: 1) He's going off to JB this Fri (for work), coming back on Sat; and 2) this Datin friend of his invite us to a wedding to be held at her residence end of the month.

I have this "love-hate" relationship with this Datin friend of my husband, who happened to be the wife of a prominent Minister. They were friends during their A-Level days in the UK, but that's about it. She got married right after she came back from the UK, and since then, he didn't hear of her until 2 or 3 years ago when she called, wanting to get-together for old time's sake.

Ok, I've no problem with that. She's a nice lady. I remember she invited us all to her house one day (I think during the first year of my marriage), and you know what she gave me? A pair of gold antique earrings, the kind you'd wear to weddings. I was astounded coz I think it's quite expensive. Why would she give me something like that when I hardly know her, right? Then later she gave us all sort of things lah ~ kain, kuih, tudung, even pearls from her own pearl farm in Sampoerna, ok? (later we learnt that other people also got the same thing, so we didn't feel so bad after all).

Anyway, my issue with her is that she is forever calling my husband for this, and that. Nak cari a new driver ~ tanya my husband, anak nak masuk sekolah ~ inform my husband; nak beli rumah kat London ~ beritau my husband. Eh, apa ke hal pulak ni? Husband dia tak ada ke?? And she's very persistent, this woman. There was one time she invited us to her house for a kenduri or something, but we couldn't go. Then, she called at close to midnight (that time we were in the car driving around with my BIL), asking where we were and why we didn't turn up. Eh, hello.... suka hati kita lah nak pegi ke tidak! You can't force us to go to your do! And my husband ni pulak, at that point of time, was still struggling trying to get out of it, telling her "Insyaallah... insyaallah.." Hey, aren't you supposed to just say, "No, we can't make it." Fullstop. Insyaallah apa lagi?? I think he didn't tell her that we were not coming.

The big blow up happened last year, just after her GRAND birthday party which was held on two occasions - one at her residence, another at a hotel in town. We were invited for both, us being Datin's so-called "close friends". I was pretty excited at that time. Ya lah... first time a Minister's wife ajak datang private party (her husband is a very nice chap, actually). Met some funny characters there ~ datins, datinwannabes, artistes, toh puans... so, it was quite fun (She even offered to organize MY birthday party at her house this year, ok? No way jose!!!)

What happened the day after that was, without my knowledge, she had invited my husband for a "private lunch" at Carcosa, along with another lady friend from their A-Level days, who happened to be in town (she's Singaporean). My dear husband did not tell me, but I found out by accident when i saw the sms in his handphone ~ "Strictly private, ok Din?"(Wives have a hunch about these things, don't we?).

My dear husband was attending a course at Le Meridien on that day, so I guessed he must have skipped the afternoon session for a secret rendezvous with these two ladies. When I confronted him that evening, he was taken aback. First, he was angry with me for invading his privacy (Hey, I'm your wife! I'm entitled to invade your private life!) Secondly, when I asked him why he didn't tell me, he said it's not important and I wouldn't understand (wouldn't understand, my ass !!).

We had a huge fight over this and it went on for a couple of days. I was really mad at him for hiding these things from me. My rationale is simple, let's turn the table around. Say, an old male friend is in town and he wants to meet up. Husband doesn't know of him and wife has never spoken to him about this old friend. So, I meet up with him for a long lunch at some "private" venue without telling my husband, because "It's not important". Can I do that?

I bet you the answer is no.

Look, to say that "it's not important" is ridiculous because Carcosa is NOT like any other eating places like Pelita or gerai tomyam somewhere. It is a special place. It means something when you go there with someone new (unless he's done these private lunches many time before lah, without my knowledge). Had he gone there with his office colleagues, then yes, I would say it's not important for him to tell me about it. In this case... sigh... I think he was caught red-handed and he just didn't know how to get out of it...

Since that incident, I told him I don't want to hear that woman's name anymore. I know how he treasures friendship, but this is no go. I felt cheated, coz all this while I thought she was genuinely nice. Little did I realise that she could be nice to me so she could get to my husband. Some women do that, they crave attention from other men especially when their husbands are busy, busy, busy. They maybe harmless, but I just don't like it. I think it's very rude of her to call my husband at her own whims and fancy, day or night. My ever-so-accommodating husband ni pulak rajin sangat melayan, that's why he's the perfect listening board for both ladies / men in distress!!

Yesterday was the first time he mentioned her name again after the incident. When he asked me whether I'd go to the wedding or not, I said, "Tengok lah...".

Honestly, I don't want to go. I hate pretending I'm delighted to go when actually I'm not. But in this marriage, there's a lot of pretending to do. Oh yes.... a lot! No matter how much you hate a person, you still have to put up a smile whenever you meet. You'd still have to ask polite questions to the other person eventho' deep down in your heart, you just want to say, "F*** off!!". It takes a lot of sacrifices and straight faces, indeed.

So, should I go or not?


Anonymous said...

You have to make yourself visible to her so that she 'sedar' MrN tu suami orang. IF you don't go but MrN goes alone, what kind of message is that to Mak Datin?

Btw, this is Gina.

Kmar said...

Tough call!! In my opinion, you SHOULD go. Just do one thing.. SAY NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL....when you see this Mak Datin. Agree with Gina. Anyway, listen to your heart since you know your hubby better. Your first choice is usually the best.

My good friend use to say, if you can´t DEAL with it, then GET ALONG with it. In other words, everytime MrN nak keluar makan aje, you join with him tak kira malam-siang instead of letting him goes alone. You don´t have to deal with suspicious feeling.

I have two kids, 4 years Daniel Hakim and 2 years Aisha Nuria. Both are at school and doing fine. We plan to go back for 5 weeks holiday in Ipoh-KL in Jul-Aug. Any chance to meet up?..he.he.he.. boleh story sikit...

Hope said...

Why should you accommodate this when you clearly don't like the idea (and she does sound a tad too much of a character)? Have a good talk with your husband and ask him to kindly respect your feelings about this. Men always forget that once they are married, they should not have this kind of private friendships anymore..and they need to be reminded again and again.

But you should go with your husband to the wedding, as others said, you must claim your territory. Unless of course, there is no way he can go alone.

wanshana said...

I would feel the same if I were you!

And if I were you, I would just go to the wedding with my hubby. You must make sure that you send a CLEAR message to her that MrN is very much taken, very married to you, and she should stay clear of him.

Manyak cantik itu Datin?!!

MrsNordin said...

Hi Gina!

You finally managed to post a comment! Yes, I think I will go. Can't let MrN goes alone, can I? I'm going to tempah baju, ok? With lots of bling! bling! Hee.. hee...

MrsNordin said...


You're finally here!! If you can't deal with it, go along with it?? I like that. I used to follow him before, but now after the baby, malas lah. They all talk c*ck only! Perhaps I should start tagging along again...

Only two kids? I thought you have many! Do let me know when you're in town. I'd like to see you again. It's been a long time, kan? How's your parents? I hope they are well. My mum is ok, but my dad kadang2 sakit. They are still in Ipoh.

Hope to hear from you again!

MrsNordin said...

Hello again Hope,

"Men always forget that once they are married, private friendships like this is not acceptable... and they always have to be reminded!" Geezzz... how true!! We don't do it, but it's ok for them to do it. How unfair!

But not all men are like that. I know some husbands who totally devote themselves to the wives. On the other hand, there are also women who still keep private friendships with their male friends after they are married. But in this case, I think, they are just looking for trouble!

Yes, I'll go to the wedding. Thanks!

MrsNordin said...


Itu Datin tak de lah manyak cantik mana.. I guess, being a Datin, she thinks she can have what she wants. You know at her party? Some people were "chosen" to go on stage to sing her Happy Birthday song. The first name to be called was none other than my husband! Can you imagine that? Infront of about 500 people, she called out his name and he had to walk through the large crowd to get to the stage! Semua orang tengok & I could hear whispers among them(mostly ladies, ok?). After that, she called out my name pulak. Nasib baik... kalau tidak, memang I'd thrown the birthday cake at her face!!

IBU said...

Ohhhhh...... juicy true story! I like....

Strike one maut pose with your baju bling-bling tu & post the photo here ok?

p/s Snip it while it's still in the bud, and while it's not yet a habit too hard to break. Wa punya store manyak jual gunting & hammer kalau mau. tee-hee-hee....

MrsNordin said...


I'll do that!

Superwomanwannabe said...


Pergi on one condition- that he does not leave your side, that he laughs loudly at all your jokes, that he constantly whispers in your ears , and that he totally snub this takmalu datin!!

Mula mula datin , later, dating..hahahahah

MrsNordin said...


That is so YOU !!! :)