Cerita Cinta

How many guys have you dated or had serious relationships with before you settle down? I’m sure there were many.

When I was young, I never thought I’d have a string of boyfriends. I was plain, boring and dull-looking. I was this fat, short-haired girl with a round face who was only interested in her studies, and nothing else. Nak bergaya memang tak reti. Dah memang budak kampong, nak buat macamana? Baju pun, tak ada yang trendy. Semua baju yang simple-simple saja.

I always envied my friends in STF who were fair and pretty. These “city girls” were so attractive and had many boys wanting to be their friends or pen-pals. They had many suitors but none wanted me.

The desire to befriend a boy was always there but most often than not, I’d be bertepuk sebelah tangan. Just when I thought we were getting serious, he would drop the bomb by saying, “Actually, I don’t quite like you but I like your friend xxx. Can you give me her address?”. How heartbreaking could that be?

Rejection like that was quite common for me during my teenage years. I accepted the fact that I was not one of the popular girls and I should just keep a low profile in the love department. Nevertheless, I still had many crushes (my History teacher included!), but I never confessed my feelings to anyone.

After Form 5, I went on to do my A-Levels in TKC. There, I got to know a boy from an all-boy residential school in Kuala Kangsar who came visiting our school. It so happened, both of us held the same position for our own school’s A-Levels Association, so we had a lot in common.

His name was “K”. He was this tall, dark and handsome 18-year old from St. John’s KL who made my heart fluttered when he first said, “Hello…”. Hee… hee… I had a big crush on him! I thought he was a real charmer.

We wrote to each other a lot during that time. Then I found out that I got to go to the UK first while he had to stay behind one year in KPP. He sent me off at the airport. I still remember, he gave me a red rose and his handkerchief which was sprinkled with his signature perfume, Drakkar Noir, as a parting gift. How romantic was that?

And right infront of my parents, he asked if he could “steal me away” for a while before I took my leave. My mother freaked out, but of course she couldn’t stop us. I still have our last photo together at the Subang Airport, sipping air kelapa from this young coconut using two straws. Our hands intertwined with one another! Hee.. hee… macam real saja!

But, that was the last time I saw him. A few months after that, his letters became more infrequent. When I called, he was never at home. Later I found out from my friends that he had gotten engaged to a girl from Sarawak whom he met at KPP. I was quite heart-broken. I threw away his handkerchief which I had kept close to my bed all throughout my first year at university and tore off all his gambar. Sedihlah…but I guess, it was just not meant to be.

That was my first BF. It lasted for about a year.

My second BF was called N. He was my senior and we went steady during my 2nd year at university. What made me attracted to him was his funny character. He was a real joker and always made me laugh. With him, I knew why girls kept on saying, “He must be able to make me laugh…” whenever asked for desirable characters in a man. That guy just knew how to tickle my fancy.

I don’t quite like to talk about N but he was actually the first person whom I really truly adore. I loved him more than he loved me and I was willing to go out of my way to please him. I was desperate, I guess… for love. Despite all that, he was one person who never said “I love you” to me. Susah sangat nak sebut benda tu! All throughout my 1 year relationship with him, never once did he say the word even though his actions showed that he truly cared about me.

So when he ended the relationship after he returned to Malaysia for good in 1990, I didn’t feel too much loss. Again, for me, it was not meant to be. We just needed each other’s company while it lasted. So it was ok.

After I broke up with N, M came along. M and I had been friends ever since I was still going out with N, but I didn’t realise that M actually got the heart for me. When he found out that I had broken off with N, he confessed that he liked me and asked me if I wanted to be his GF. I was still trying to get over N at that time and wasn’t sure if I should start a new relationship with M. But he was very persistent.

Every time he met me, he would ask me that question, “Will you be my GF?” After much pleading and chasing, I decided to accept his offer and be his GF. In some ways, I liked M too because he was such a gentleman. He was very caring and I knew I could depend on him in times of trouble. So, M became my third BF.

Popular jugak I masa tu, ya? One after another. I didn’t plan for it to happen that way. I never thought anyone would have any interest in me, let alone asking me to be his GF.

M & I were together a long time, 5 years to be exact. He was my first true love and I always thought I’d end up marrying him. We had met both parents (both didn’t like the idea coz we were of different religion), we had talked about marriage, made plans… But itulah… kita hanya merancang… Tuhan yang menentukan. It didn’t work out. He was not ready to get married and I couldn’t wait any longer. We were fighting a lot and towards the end, he just pulled the plug, “I can’t do this anymore…”.

My whole world came crumbling down when that happened. I was in total mess. It took me a long time to get over that break-up. But there was a lesson learnt ~ “GET OUT before it’s too late!” That’s what I always tell my friends, whose BFs seem to be dragging their feet in their relationship.

BF No. 4 was B. He was M’s best friend. I know… bad choice, but I needed someone quickly to help me mend my broken heart.

B was budak baik, very religious. With him, I tak tinggal sembahyang. Terawikh kat Masjid Negara, ok, every night masa bulan puasa. Kalau pegi mana2 pun, we’d stop by somewhere to sembahyang. My mum was very happy with the changes.

But B was very unsure about himself. He always wanted to please his family. I didn’t think we’d get married anyway. He was a good guy but not my type. He told me to stop working and pakai tudung kalau I kawin dengan dia. No way! Ding, dong, ding, dong macam tu, 4 tahun jugaklah I keluar dengan dia. But in the end, he married someone else. A younger girl who became his stay-home wife. Good for him. Now dah ada 5-6 orang anak, I think.

After B, I decided to stop searching for love. I told myself to take a break from this dating game, at least for a while, because I couldn’t afford anymore heart ache. It was not good for my system either. Everyday I would pray that God would eventually grant me a husband, but if tak ada pun, tak apa. I had accepted the fact that I'd probably die an old maid anyway, and it was fine by me.

So, I was single for a while, bumping around in KL with Mdm Tai Tai and my other girlfriends. But without fail, I'd wake up every morning wishing that I'd meet my future husband on that very day..

By a simple twist of fate, after a good 10 months of bumping around, I finally met MrN ~ BF No. 5 and current husband ~ who took me on a whirlwind romance like I'd never experienced before. A dear friend told me, “BJ, you had to kiss a lot of toads first before you found your Prince…”.

How very apt...

Happy Valentine's Day!


Stories of how I met MrN:

Reminiscing Part 1
Reminiscing Part 2
Reminiscing Part 3
Happy Birthday, MrNordin