I did a bad thing last night. I slapped the little boy.
He was really cranky and I was dead tired. Suruh tidur tak nak tidur, bila turun bawah suruh makan, tak nak makan. Orang nak tengok Olimpik, dia nak tengok Elmo (eventho' he has watched the VCD the whole day!). Bila orang pasang Elmo, dia bukan nak tengok, dia pegi main benda lain. Bila we changed the channel back to the Olympics, he went beserk. "Nak Elmo! Nak Elmo!"
He was tugging at my dress and pulling my hands, asking me to go upstairs, screaming and crying (but no tears in sight). He was just being difficult, as I saw it. I told one of the girls to take him away from me before I spanked him but he refused to let anybody else touched him and continued crying and wailing.
Then he threw up. Habis satu baju.
Dah jadi macam tu, tangan I ni pun ringan je lah jawabnya. Terus singgah sebijik penampar kat pipi dia. Pang! WAAAAAA!!! The boy cried, of course.
But you know what? I didn't feel sorry for him. I felt he deserved it for being so naughty. And I left him there in the kitchen sink for the maid to clean him up. I couldn't touch him anymore for I was afraid I would do something worse.
So I went upstairs and took a cold shower to calm down. I was telling myself, "Please God, don't let me harm this child anymore...". Bila I keluar bilik air, the maid tengah tukarkan dia baju. Our friend masih tersedu2 menangis, and when he saw me, dia terus peluk the maid. Pipi sebelah dah merah.
At that point, I felt really bad for doing what I did. How could I hit my baby like that... dia bukan tau apa pun. But he was really driving me crazy and I totally lost it.
After susu, he straight away went to sleep. I nak peluk pun, dia tepis tangan I. Sedih pulak rasanya masa tu...
I hope he won't hate me. That kind of behaviour is unacceptable and he should be taught a lesson. I tak nak nanti bila besar, he thinks he'll always get his way and always throw tantrums like that. No, I will not let my child grow up like that. Biar I yang pukul dia sekarang, jangan orang lain for I can't bear seeing other people hitting him or scolding him (not even his father). I feel pain, a terrible pain whenever I saw that happened. So in the house, I told everyone only I can pukul the boy. Other people, hands off.
I hope I did the right thing. I baca dalam suratkhabar kata jangan pukul budak kecil, nanti dia jadi penakut. I don't know. How else would you deal with it if you were caught in the same situation? How do you slow talk to a small boy who can't even talk or understand what you're saying? Was I wrong in hitting him?