Wednesday, September 24, 2008

MrsNordin No. 1 (Part 2)

Busymum notified me of a comment left by my husband's late wife's best friend in school. Her name is Norita. This is what she wrote:

Hello Mrs Nordin? I am Norita & just came across your comment in Sabar's blog. I was Sharifah's best friend when in SMSK before she left to continue in CBN,KL. I used to sleep over at her parents home whenever I visited KL. Later when I was studying in the US & she in UK, she actually made a trip to USA & diverted to our Univ town in Kansas to visit me. We met up again when she was serving Faber Group then thru a chance meeting with my husband then in Renong. We kept in touch till she had her own outfit in Ampang and I got to visit her house once. Feel guilty that through our busy lives we never met as often as good friends should have & only found out about her death when we were about to form our alumni for our batch. I am curious to her daughters...I don't think they can remember me cos they were still small when I last met them. I wonder how similar you could be to Intan...or total opposite...Post a pic....I'd like to say hi to their granny too if Sh. Sheikha's still alive.

After I read that, I posted my reply. Then, I re-read my first posting on my husband's late wife, which is here.

I don't know what to say... Whenever I come across someone who happens to know of arwah or has some sort of connection with her in the past, I always feel kinda melancholic. It's a mixed feeling. Sad ~ for her passing, but happy ~ that I've found another link to her past.

These couple of days, I've been thinking about her quite a lot. As I enter the study room where we still keep her framed photos with the children and MrNordin, I wonder what it would be like if she was still around. As I flip open her old journal & diary, I can't help thinking what was going through her mind at that point of time. What sort of person she was? Would she be my friend if I had known her?

One thing for sure, if she was still alive, I wouldn't be married to MrNordin now. I wouldn't have Nizzar, and I wouldn't be living in that house with my 3 step-children (I hate the word "step"!), 1 maid, 5 cats, 2 birds, some fishes and other living things in the pond and garden. I’d probably never know who MrNordin is, would never know of his existence, and would never know how good it feels to have a doting husband like him… IF she was still alive.

This is what we call fate. Had she still been alive, I wouldn’t have all these now. My life would have been different. I’d probably still be single, bumping around looking for Mr. Right. I’d probably had given up hope on love and would have accepted the fact that I’d die an old maid. Or, I'd probably have married someone who's totally wrong for me and I'm now suffering emotionally coz he's cheating on me. Who knows?

And MrNordin? He’d probably be bumping around, too, in Ampang with MrsNordin No. 1 and 3 children in tow. If our path crossed, I probably wouldn’t notice him (a bald guy with a wife and 3 children in tow? No way!). He would just be passing through my life without me knowing that he is actually special and meant for me. What a shame, huh?

And if I had known MrsNordin No. 1 as a friend during her lifetime, I probably wouldn’t marry MrNordin either after her passing. It’s a bit awkward, don’t you think? He’d probably marry someone else, and I’d just be another friend to the family who’d come visiting the children once in a while. Oh wow...

When I think back about how I met MrNordin and how he eventually became my husband, I would almost always get overwhelmed by emotions. The circumstances are mind boggling... the coincidences are unbelieveable.... From complete strangers, we have now become family. He has become a part of my life... the children have become a part of my life...



And how did it happen?



Just by a simple twist of fate.



That's why I believe in miracles.

43 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mrs N,

Yes, this is fate..You know what I think? If Aruah could see you all now, she'll be happy and peaceful, that the family is in good hands..

Selamat Menyambut Aidil Fitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin

Busybody

MA & Brood said...

Wow - you have a very good heart. Not many will be able to pull out such wonderful thinking the way you did. God bless you..

MrsNordin said...

Hi Busybody,

I suppose so... she could see us alright, but I wouldn't know if she's happy with what she's seeeing or not.

There were times when i wish we could do more for her. You know, prayers... sedekah mengaji etc...

But she can rest assure that her children are all well taken care of by her husband and me.

Thanks for your raya wishes.

MrsNordin said...

"A good heart ~ that's all I can offer to you." ~ that's what I said to MrN when he asked me to marry him. :)

ms hart said...

MrsN, I've said this to you before and am going to say it again now - you are a very warm and kind person. Besaaaaaaar sangat your pahala for taking care of the kids with all sincerity. We all can see this through your writing, you know.

Anyway, I've posted the recipe for Mee Siam for you. Do drop by, ok?

MrsNordin said...

Ms Hart,

Thanks for the recipe! I feel so honoured!! :) I've posted my comment in your blog.

Thanks again!

Anonymous said...

Oh BJ,

I too many a times wonder if DH had not been divorced if his first marriage had not gone stale, would I have met him? Would I have known this guy at all.

I met DH close to years after he was divorced. His first wife had soon remarried right after the i'ddah period. He had all these issues with regards to his children's custody when I met him. During our first meeting, I knew from the start that he was NOT for me ehhehehe but he was very persistant, though I was not the first one he dated after his divorce but he said I was very open and very opinionated, the opposite of his ex. I guess thank God that he was persistant and we ended up together.

Looking back I had always wondered what if our lives had crossed earlier would we have gotten together? Usually I would think not. He has 8 years older (but then most of my boy friends were 8 years older, escept one case, he was 8 years younger, MTT can attest to that ehhehe)he was doing in Masters while I ws doing my degree in the UK, but then he was there with his then wife while she was doing her specialist stuff...

Sometimes I wish I could have met him earlier and could have sweft him off his feet so that he did not have to go through the hurt that he did when he was asked to leave the marital home because she, after 7 years of being married and two kids, never loved him. And also the lies she told the kids.

I know in my case, I know me and his ex will never be on talking terms. Though he has relinquished children's custody to her, she is hardly the one to care for the kids, its the maternal grandmother the kids depend on, not her.

Allah has His ways...

Hugs,
Aida - we have a constant tug of war for my step children's time. I too hate the "step" word but how can I claim they be mine when their Mama is still around. But when they are in our custody during weekends and holidays, they ARE mine.

MrsNordin said...

Hi Aida,

Again, your life is fated to be that way. Had you been his first wife, the situation may have been different. It may not be as nice as what you're feeling right now.

You don't need to be pally with his ex. What for? But I think in your case, the tahap kesabaran tu must be higher. His ex is still around, mine isn't. His love for you will make you stronger, that's for sure..

Take care!

Anonymous said...

BJ,

I apologise for my atrocious spelling in my previous comment. Nak cepat.

Aida.

Anonymous said...

BJ,

I would never dream of wanting to be pally with the ex or the out-laws (the name I coined for his ex-in-laws) but we must be civil for the kids' sake.

To teach the kids compromise, we end up doing most of the compromising..... if only I had my way ehhehehhe

You are lucky u do not have to go through tug of wars. Can drive u crazy, even on good days.

Aida

diamond baby said...

Hi there! I just stumbled upon your blog. Your posting on MrsNordin No. 1 (Part 1 & 2) made me cry buckets.

I'm glad that there are still good unselfish person like you around.

Im sure the children really appreciates that you do not try or insist in eliminating traces of their mother.

Have a nice day ahead! Am really glad to come across your blog!

Madam Tai Tai said...

Hi MrsNordin No. 2,

When I think about the heartaches that you have gone thru pre-MrN, then you truly deserve this happiness you now have. Life is strange sometimes..gives you hell first and heaven later in life (or vice versa).

I think it is very gracious of you to want to do tahlils for arwah. One thing for sure the kids will deeply appreciate this gesture for their late mum. Yes, I think you should do it once in a while, esp masa the anniversary of her passing.

You are a wonderful lady, MrsN no. 2...that's why miracles happen to you.

busymum100 said...

MrsN,

Wonder you may, but do not over do it because it doesn't lead anywhere. You've done a great job being there for the 3 kids. It's all in the intention, and i know yours is a noble one. You're doing your best, that's for sure. It's not easy for be an intant mum to 3 adolescent kids, you know!

We, arwah's former friends are delighted to know you ;-)

We are planning a Friday lunch at KLCC (I wonder if Norita will be free or not..) so that we can meet you. We, I mean me and my classmate Nury (& hopefully Norita too).

Kak Teh said...

Mrs N, your entry today truly touches me to the core. Two nights ago, a close friend came back after a long break in KL. He invited us for iftar - he had remarried too after his wife died of cancer three years ago. I had moxed feelings about how I was going to accpet the new woman in our friend's life. His children have embraced this woman who looks more like a sister to them. I was very close to arwah - she died when I was doing my umrah. And two nights ago, we had our if iftar - the new wife is a very likeable lady. For maghrib, I went to pray in the children's room. After a long time, I cried again - there were pictures of the youngest with arwah.
In the lounge - that was where we used to pray together as arwah was too weak to go to the surau. And two nights ago, I went with our friends new wife and sat and prayed with her. Life goes on, the children are happy that the father us happy.
And on another note too - sorry about hogging your blog; my brother who remarried after looking after his dying wife - who also died of cancer, has never looked happier. It was as if he was given a new lease of life. He looks young and sunddenly the spring in his steps have return.

Mrs N. It is people like you, people like my friend's new wife and my new sister in law who have made such a difference in the word "step-mum" , in the word "second wife" . Had the circumstances been different, you'd make a good friend to the first. And indeed, you already are.
May Allah bless you Mrs N and your very kind soul.

Ezza Aziz said...

MrsN.
Hati tersentuh bila membaca tulisan you. Ini lah yang di kata kan jodoh pertemuan,ajal maut di tangan tuhan.Kita manusia cuma merancang,tapi tuhan menentu kan.
Sikap keibuan you terserlah bila you mencerita kan hal anak anak you. Bertuah la mereka mendapat mama baru yang baik dan penyayang. Tentu arwah tersenyum panjang bila melihat anak anak nya di kasihi dan di sayangi oleh mama baru mereka. Semuga Allah mengurnia kan kesihatan dan kesabaran yang terbaik untuk you sekeluarga.You are not MrN no 2 But MrsN forever!
Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri dan ampun maaf kalau ada terkasar bahasa bila menulis ni....

puteri kamaliah at-tarawis said...

Mrs N, may I mencelah sikit? Just curious to know if Mr N's late wife used to work as a journalist with The Star Publication. The name is familiar..

myheartbleeds said...

Hi mrsnordin! Forest was right -- life IS like a box of chocolates -- you never know what you're gonna get. And what you get, you have to syukur and redha, for HE had planned it for you. HE knows and we don't, right? (reminder to self, too!!)

Such is life... you meeting mrnordin and all dah termaktub di Luhmah Fuz. mrnordin & brood are lucky to have found you!! You all are a blessed lot!!

P/S: naik bulu roma bila baca that you had dreamt of arwah asking you to say prayers for her. FYI, I once had a dream where my late hubby asked me to take the kids along whenever I visit his grave (most of the time I went alone as I didn't want the girls to see me cry). I believe when arwah comes in our dreams, it's really them. wallahu'alam.

IBU said...

MrsN,

She was with Faber Group? When was this? Hmmm... Could I have known her (then)?

Anonymous said...

bj,

hanya allah yg tahu the path that you are going through, anyway think you are doing great so far!!!

yani

AuntieYan @ Makcik Blogger said...

Salam Mrs.N.

Aaaaa...this entry is soooo touching...! Thats life, everything is setup by Him, we are the actors and the actoress.
You have such agood heart. May Allah bless you and family.

syahrilkadir said...

Puan,
saya sangat suka membaca blog puan
keep on writing ya, banyak yang saya boleh belajar dari kehidupan yang telah puan lalui

Oh ya, jiran saya pun menteri juga, tapi ofis boy menteri, hikhikhik, itu pun bos dia tu dah tak jadi menteri sebab kalah election!

Tak sabar nak tunggu entry seterusnya...

MrsNordin said...

Hi Diamond Baby,

Thanks for dropping by!

I do not intend to eliminate traces of their mother. Why should I? No matter what happens, she'll always be their mum and I will always be their STEPmum. That's how it goes...

p/s nice pictures of Karambunai in your blog. You must be an ardent photographer!

MrsNordin said...

Gina,

We do the tahlil every year on the anniversary of her death, except for this year because Nordin is so busy travelling up and down KL-JB. We intend to do it anyway, maybe after raya.

Yalah, I think God was really testing me before I finally find happiness.. Nasib I ada friends like you, tempat mengadu.. :)

I miss you!

MrsNordin said...

Busymum,

I was thinking the same thing too yesterday! Yes, let's meet! I'll be happy to meet my new found friends.

You know, it's funny. I'm making new friends through someone who is long gone, someone whom I've never met before.

I told the kids yesterday over berbuka that I found another friend of your mum through the blogsphere. They just shook their heads... And I told Nadira, I bet you never knew your mum masuk tarian zapin competition at state level and won 3rd place. "No, I don't...", she said.

See? Miracles, right?

farizahb said...

MrsN,

This entry really touches my heart, I don't know why. I am sure the late MrsN is smiling from above, thinking how lucky it is for her husband and children to have found you. You truly are a blessing to those motherless children.

On a lighter note, kalau semua stepmom macam you, takde lah cerita bawang putih bawang merah or cinderella kan? :-)

Anonymous said...

Mrs N,

After reading what you went through, i was thrilled coz we have something in common. yup....i re-married to my hubby now who his late wife passed away in 2006. i am now taking care of his 4 kids (3 girls and a boy). i never like to call them 'step children' as they are very, very close to me. in fact, the boy who is the youngest ie std 5 this year will make sure i put him to sleep every nite.

how i got to know him? it was after her death in 2007 any so many things cropped up. byk sangat dugaan i went through. the second daughter showed some resistance when i was courting my hubby...she is the closest to arwah..but, i think it was fated and god wanted me to take care of the kids....and i always felt that we have to be sincere to the kids. insyaalah, everything will be ok. my hubby did ask how i can go through living in a hse with the pictures of arwah, my in laws and the kids talking about the arwah sometimes and i replied to him soberly, i have to respect her.....she was there before me. i still dont want to eliminate the traces or memories of the kids mom, we always gi kubur arwah to pay respect,d kids go back and see their grandmother (arwah's mom).....

i remembered the moment when i told my mom that i am going to marry my hubby and my mom mentioned, are you ready to carry the responsibilities to take care the 4 anak yatim? wow.....it was d question. i replied to her, insyaalah, god will give me the strength to do so and i redha with the whole situation

i selalu doa that allah permudahkan apa yang i lalui.....

enough of my ramblings

liza

MrsNordin said...

Hi Kak Teh,

Thanks for sharing your story ~ from the point of view of the deceased's friend.

I'm sure all of MrsN No. 1's friends felt the same way you did when they first met me. Apprehensive, anxious, and disgusted (maybe?). I could sense it when we were first introduced and I always felt uncomfortable whenever such occasion warrant me to interact with them.

But after a while, things just fell into place. I get invited to their house and vice versa, and the relationship became cordial. Tho' I can't really say they are "my friends" (I call them arwah's friends/Din's friends), I know I can count on them when the need arises.

Actually, this is another good story to tell. I'll do so, soon...insyaallah.

p/s. Don't cry so much, K.Teh! :)

MrsNordin said...

Ezza,

Sifat keibuan yang terserlah... mama yang baik dan penyayang... that doesn't sound like me at all. I wish I could be like that... you know, like the typical mum you see dalam iklan susu on TV? Ever so lembut and penyayang... (tapi in reality, ada ke ibu yang macam tu?)

I'm very kasar lah, Ezza. Cakap dengan budak2 pun kasar je... Asyik nak jerit je kat they all. Semalam, si Nizzar dah kena cubit lagi sekali sebab tumpahkan air. Abang dengan kakak dia terus ter-stunt!

I ~ anak orang I tak tangankan, anak I sendiri I boleh buat.

MrsNordin said...

Puteri,

No, she was not a journalist. She was a lawyer.

MrsNordin said...

Myheartbleeds,

I think you're right. When arwah "talked" to us, it was really them. The interpretation could be different but they are trying to say something.

Sorry to know about your husband. I read in your blog. Been reading it for quite a while already.

take care

Superwomanwannabe said...

Woman, you deserve to find your prince charming after kissing a lot of toads! heh heh...

Call je lah yr kids, "your kids",apa salahnye.they are your kids in spirit, how's that. Step step always make me think of Cinderella.

You have such a big heart you know, sebab you accept the fact that she was a part of their lives,you are not comparing yourself to her, you are not trying to be better than her, you're not there to replace her memories or who she was to N and the kids, you don't question how she did things- You are just you, and you do things your way, and this is just a new phase in life. Different but just as good.

that is why I think your marriage and family is destined to last a looooong looooong time ....

(that, and the fact that Gina, I and all your friends, will hound N to the ends of the world if he mistreats you heh heh...)

MrsNordin said...

ibu,

I don't think she was attached to Faber. She was one of the lawyers for the group at that time.

MrsNordin said...

Yani,

Thanks. How are you lah? I didn't see your car this morning?

MrsNordin said...

Auntieyan.

Terima kasih. Kita hidup ni, ada bahagian masing2, kan? Semuanya ketentuan Allah..

Thanks for your well wishes

MrsNordin said...

Syahril,

Hi! Glad you like my blog.

Ha! Ha! Your neighbour pun Menteri jugak? (albeit just his ex-office boy) Itu pun ketentuan Tuhan juga, kan? Turun naik dalam politik!

Take care!

tireless mom said...

Dear BJ

My heart goes all out to you. Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul. I am happy that you are a lot happier than before.

The unknown will still remain in our mind, that is natural. We have to make the best out of everything. All happen for a reason and Allah lebih mengetahui.

MrsNordin said...

Hi Farizah,

I don't think ada lagi stepmom yang macam "bawang putih, bawang merah" tu. Times have changed lah, my dear. Maybe the kids yang will make the stepmom's lives miserable these days!

Ezza Aziz said...

Iklan dalam TV tu berlakon jer,I ni pun kasar jugak,anak2 macam nizzar jugak,silap sikit gerenti kena punye..,sampai suami I pun pernah tegur,cuba la berlembut sikit dengan anak Zah oiii..tapi nak buat macamana, mulut dan tangan sama je berjalan...
You are very correct,zaman sekarang ni anak tiri yang buli mak tiri..hehehe contoh nya I laa

MrsNordin said...

Hi Liza,

Pleased to know you. Guess we are both caught in the same situation, huh?

About the photos, in-laws etc, just don't think too much about it. Those are things in the past.

Arwah's mother and sister are really nice to me (infact, they treat me better than my own MIL sometimes!). Unfortunately, her mum recently passed away. We still keep in touch with the sister and meet up whenever the opportunity arises. They are good people.

As for the photos, I did not change anything in the house after I got married, except for one (this was in the first few days after the wedding). I asked him to remove his wedding photo with MrsN No. 1 which was placed on a table right infront of the main entrance. It was like, everytime I walked into the house, I would see that photo first, and it hurts (I think the photo was purposely put there by the kids to spike me). But MrN removed it anyway, and till now, I don't know where he put it :)

I think you're doing ok. We just have to be extra patient compared to a normal wife/mother. The little one needs your love and attention. I'm glad to know that he's close to you...

Take care now. If you need to "talk", e-mail me, ok? Cheers!

MrsNordin said...

SW,

"... you deserve to find your Prince Charming after kissing a lot of toads!" I like that! Betul lah!

Whenever we go out, I always refer to them as my kids. Only in this blog je I tulis "step" for impact :)

That's why I need friends like you and Gina and others ~ to hound him if he ever mistreats me! Tough luck!

MrsNordin said...

Tireless Mom,

Thanks for your well wishes. Raya ni datang rumah I, ok?

MrsNordin said...

Ezza,

I like your style!! :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Bj,

I have been reading your blog for the past month. I actually clicked on from Shila's blog (which i been reading for a looon loong time). I find your blog so interesting and different. Honest, sincere yet laced with humor. I just thought i would say hi since i have been reading all about your life.

Just thought ud like to know your readers. I look forward to more pictures from Eid. On this post i also enjoyed reading all the comments that people have shared.

If you want to know more abt me just ask Shila about the Anon commenter! Please write more.