Monday, June 02, 2008
When Love Ends
I was looking at this picture of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie over the weekend. A picture of bliss. She looks radiant, he looks happy. Both expecting twins any time now. No doubt she was a husband-stealer, but she made him a better man, so they say.
Then I thought of this picture, taken in the year 2000. Another picture of bliss.
Look, how happy they were on their wedding day. The man still looks happy today, albeit with a different partner, but the woman is still searching for love. How unfortunate.
Life is such, huh? So unfair to some people.
Over the weekend, I was engaged in endless conversations about MrNordin's cousin and his soon-to-be-ex-wife's story. My in laws, aunties, my husband, even children were all listening dilligently to the latest development and offered their two cents' worth on this matter whenever asked.
We went to visit her on Friday night; she looked ok but has lost a bit of weight. "Mas tak ada selera nak makan, kak Yati..", she uttered softly. Until today, I still can't believe that they are divorcing. There was no tell-tale signs, he just dropped the news like a bomb. That asshole! (pardon my French)
I can't believe people can fall out of love so easily and leave everything behind just because they've found someone else. In this case, we don't know yet if there's another woman involved but I can bet my bottom dollar, there is. No man would leave just like that if not for another woman. He won't just pull the plug and say, "Hey, I'm leaving coz I can't stand living with you anymore" and wants to live alone now. No way jose! It's either there's another woman or, another man.
Yes I know, people do fall out love but I think when you’re married, you have to try and make it work whichever way you can. To say something like, “My life has been miserable all this while..” after 12 years of marriage and 3 children is totally absurd ! To me, marriage is something very sacred. Once you’re married, you are married for life. Whatever differences you have with your spouse must be sorted out quickly and amicably. Stay married, for better or worse. Kalau susah, cari jalan macamana nak selesaikan masalah tu. Don’t just leave.
It’s so irresponsible of a man to drop everything behind just because you cannot stand your spouse’s face. What about the children? They were conceived in the heat of lovemaking, tapi masa tu tak de pulak menyampah dengan your wife? Sekarang ni pulak baru nak kata my life has been miserable all this while? Podah chit! I seriously have no respect for this kind of man!
Maybe I’m too naïve, or maybe I baru kawin 4 tahun, that’s why my premonition about marriage is still fairytale-like. But don’t think I haven’t gone through any failed relationship before. I have, and I know the feeling of being dumped by someone whom you have loved and devoted yourself to for many years. It’s painful. Perhaps not as not as bad as if I had been married to that person, but believe me, the pain was still severe.
I know some of you have gone through divorces before, and you survived. That's what I kept on telling Mas when I met her, "You have to be strong! Don't meddle in self-pity and don't you ever blame yourself for what happened because this is not your fault. You go to court (the ex-husband has filed in the court papers) and give him a good fight Don't let him bully you!"
This woman kept on reminiscing about her ex-husband, worrying whether or not he's been eating well when the ex doesn't even give a hoot about her anymore. The reason for his lafaz cerai was "isteri yang tak bertanggung jawab terhadap anak2". Why? Because one of those unfortune days, she let her eldest daughter took her 2-year old brother to the shop to buy some sweets. And the shop was just 50 meters away. She was having a headache at that time and couldn’t get up, so she let them go because the little boy was screaming for gula2. The husband came back, saw this, and terus mengamuk. Nak cari pasal, kan? Terus jatuh talak.
The wife is not working at the moment. She quit her banking job early this year because she had misused some loan which she had taken out for her husband. The husband was having some financial problems, so he asked the wife to use that money first (see, the blunder was caused by the husband jugak). She has rightfully paid back all the money, but because of that fiasco, the bank had asked her to leave. This, after being with the bank for more than 10 years.
So now that she’s out of job, the husband felt that she’s such a burden for him. Forced the wife to look for a job at Tesco (jadi cashier or angkat barang dengan Bangla, he said) because he was so desperate. So heartless, kan? There were times when the husband was out of job dulu and the wife had to tanggung him, never did she complain about it. Ni, baru 5 bulan tak kerja, dah kena cerai. Macamana tu?
To me, the husband is just an ungrateful man. The wife was so patient, I tell you. Jenis selalu kena kutuk by the husband depan orang ni, and yet she remained smiling and never answered him back for fear he would marah her back or leave her. One time a few years ago, they were fighting in the car. The husband just pulled over in the middle of the Federal Highway and pushed over the wife tepi highway tu. Tak ke kesian tu? She called MrNordin, crying, asking him to pick her up and her two small children who left by the roadside by her crazy husband. She broke an arm in the incident and had to be hospitalized. So sadist, kan? And yet she still took him back...
I hope this time around, she will NOT take him back regardless of how hard he begs her to. Oh, I’m sure he will come crawling back especially after he finds out that she’s got a job. And when that happens, I seriously hope she’d tell him to get lost because of the awful things that he had done to her. Kita orang perempuan ni must have some sort of dignity and respect for ourselves jugak, kan. Kalau orang dah buat kita macam tu, tak kan kita nak terima balik bulat2, betul tak? Macam kita ni tak ada harga diri. He has clearly stated that he doesn’t want her anymore, so why take him back? For him to change, I don’t think that will ever happen. So, I think she’s better off without him.
As for the children, I'm sorry they have to go through this. Three innocent children aged 11, 7 and 2, all caught in a sorry state because their father had fallen out of love with their mother. What do they know about divorce, right? All they want is for their mother and father to be back together under that same roof and be a happy family again like how they used to be. Sadly, that's not going to be the case for them anymore. I pray they will be strong to face the consequences and future of a broken family...