Monday, June 23, 2008

Monday Morning Blues

Had a lousy weekend. Mad with MrNordin. Stressed out with the little boy.

Does that summarizes how I felt?

My only regret is the little boy became my pinch bag. And I feel disgusted with myself..

24 comments:

Madam Tai Tai said...

Hey you...sorry to hear that you are feeling sad.

Nak meet up ke for a chat and coffee later? I'll probably be done at Pantai after 5pm kot.

And you really need to talk it out with MrN, you know. Don't bottle it all inside. Whether you are happy or not with the outcome at least it is out and he knows what you are mad about. Cakap aje...jgn tahan2. Nanti kena darah tinggi you know, esp dah nak 40 ni.

Anonymous said...

BJ,

Tue yg i paling tension bila I marah or get stressed out, the kids gets the brunt of it all. Makes u even sadder kan....?

Hope it will be a better week ahead for you.

Aida.

farizahb said...

Alahai mrsn,

Sorry to hear about your lousy morning. Well, your good friend is in town - so I at least that will help. I agree with mdm tai tai said, jangan tahan-tahan.

Kesian little boy, the good thing is, he has probably forgotten the whole thing. Mummy aje yang masih teringat and feels bad. Chere up :-)

MrsNordin said...

Mdm,

Thanks. I feel like crying right now. I didn't want to talk to him yet coz he would be very defensive and thinks that he didn't do anything wrong. Tu yang malas nak cakap tu. But am I being unreasonable?

MrsNordin said...

Aida,

I feel really bad for hitting him yesterday. I was so stressed out. Came to a point where I had to go out of the house and drive alone to calm down last night. When I got home, he was already asleep. And the guilt sets in...

MrsNordin said...

Hi Fariza,

Yeah, he'd probably have forgotten about it already but Mummy here still feel very guilty. Someone should really take him away from me whenever I get stressed out like that!

Anonymous said...

My dear, you're not alone..I too am livid with my hubby that I've lost 2 kgs over the wknd. When my kids were smaller, they sometimes became my punching bags too. I used to cry of guilt too..

I'm praying for both of us now..

Busybody

wanshana said...

BJ,

All of us do that sometimes - taking it out on the kids unintentionally. So, don't feel or think that you're the only one who does that.

Yes, it's not a nice feeling to hold when guilt sets in, but, what is done, is done. You can't change that. BUT, next time if you feel that it's going to happen again, think about how you feel today, and insya Allah, you'll know what NOT to do.

As Farizah said, your lil' boy probably has forgotten all about it. Give him a BIG HUG when you get home nanti.

And, talk to MrN.

MrsNordin said...

Busybody,

Hey, I hope the thing with you and hubby is not too serious. With the children, sometimes we just can't help it, right? Nak marah bapak budak tak dapat, marah budak2. But it shouldn't be that way..

MrsNordin said...

Shana,

I'll buy him a BIG toy when I get home nanti.

And the talk... I don't know. I still need time to think rationally.

Thanks for your advise anyway.

Madam Tai Tai said...

Oh..that's what the search for the toy was about.... Compensation for being a pinching bag, ek? Too bad we couldn't find it tadi at BSC. :(

Like Farizah said and like I told you tadi over lunch, the children tak ingat and tak berapa kisah de. The one who is feeling the guilt is just your conscience.

Hope you will heed my advice about taking time out either on Sat or Sun. Just go away alone and do something every weekend that gives you pleasure for 3-4 hours, without guilt. Then you can spend the entire weekend with the kids with a more rested mind. Better to have quality rather than quantity family-time.

BJ, some women are just superwives & supermoms. I'm NOT, but I don't think it is something bad. I give my best to be a wonderful wife/mum to them, but ultimately I need to give something back to myself too. Hey - I'm human too and I deserve some pampering.

So do that next weekend, ok. Pergi la buat creme bath ke, spa ke, window shopping ke, jumpa kekawan ke - just go out and enjoy yourself for a few hours. Don't lose "BJ - the woman" in the roles you have to play at home. You are special too.

Hope said...

MrsN

As you probably read from my last blog, I too had a "showdown" weekend. It was all me and my canmot-let-go-of-my-past dilemma that finally took a toll on my beloved husband. Then I packed me and kids and went to spend weekend in the city. Lepas tu mula la miss husband and we ended up spending the weekend texting one another like crazy...

Sometimes we need the time out lah. Consider ourselves lucky coz at times like this we can afford to do things like spa/shopping/lepaking with the girls..and it helps a great deal.

Don't feel guilty too much, your son understands you love him no matter what..

Kak Teh said...

Mrs N, am sorry you've had a not so wonderful weekend. This weekend I was away at a conference and during the trainride with an old friend, we talked about how much we valued the time in the train, the time at conferences, away from home, away from the family. It is not so much the work, but the time to be away, to be ourselves and to be on our own. Then we come back and be a better mother/partner.
I have always valued this time to be with myself and my thoughts. Try it.

Kmar said...

BJ,

You are not alone in this case. Cheer up!! I bet almost all mothers have gone through this experience. We are just human.

Take a small break away from your home. It will release your tension by having chit-chat or coffee outside with your friends. MrN will understand.

MrsNordin said...

Madam,

Thanks for seeing me yesterday. It helped.

No, I wasn't looking for his toy at the shop ystrday, I was looking for this particular board game which I had once seen before. But never mind, it wasn't there anymore.

Yes, I'll do as you suggested. A creme bath would be good. You know, I'm so glad you're here. Then I know who to turn to in times of trouble.

Thanks again!

MrsNordin said...

Hope,

Yes, I read your latest posting. Sometimes we just need to break away once in a while. I know it's a good thing, but why is it so hard to do?

These days, I find myself checking on my watch everytime I go to hair salon. Bila dah lama sikit, I get nervous/jumpy ~ risaukan budak2 kat rumah. When meeting friends for coffee, after a certain time, mesti dah risau nak balik rumah. It's pretty bad.

I should learn not to be too paranoid over the kids to have a piece of mind. Otherwise, I can go crazy!

MrsNordin said...

Hi K. Teh,

Dah lama tak dengar from you, kinda miss it. Thanks for dropping by and I appreciate your kind advise.

Update lah blog, cepat!

MrsNordin said...

Kmar,

Yes, I shall do more of that. More ME time, minus the guilt.

Cheers!

Madam Tai Tai said...

MrsN, since I'm available at almost anytime, use me excessively during these 2 months!! I'm happy to be able to lend you my ears..

Superwomanwannabe said...

woit what the heck HAPPENED????

busymum100 said...

Mrs N,

welcome to the reality of motherhood/wifehood(is there such thing?).

To me wifehood can be as hard as motherhood - esp after a long time, the other half might just take us for granted. Just the other day i tried to remind DH about taking care putting extra effort to "jaga hati" org2 tersayang, but he refused to accept it. dia kata why pretend? just be ourselves (excuse me?) We ended up me not talking to him. But before that i told him, kalau nk mengurat buat perangai macam tu ("this is me" attitude) mmg lah takkan dpt tackle one! there must be some difference between people we love and people we don't, kan? :-(

But to quote one of my son - "Mama, if the past 27 years he has not changed, what make you think he will change now?"
Betul juga... :-(

as for taking the time out, yes i agree... we women need some breathing space too. Otherwise we'll forget who we are, and we overlook our own "keperluan zahir dan batin"!

I try my best to join a few other frens in our monthly "saturday morning" breakfast outings. My DH calls us the "mak datin wannabes" but i don't give it a damn. Lantaklah.. as long as he approves it, and when i get home from the buffet breakfast (we rotate the nearby hotels) i'll just drop by somewhere to get lunch for the family!

just last saturday we had one, and i only got home at 11.30am (when the buffet breakfast closes, we adjourned ourselves to the hotel lobby!). DH tanya apa we all talked about. I told him, macam2, from cerita anak2, cerita maid, cerita in-laws, etc... even current events like the recent petrol hike.

talking about kids can take the whole weekend! dulu2 cerita anak2 nk exam lah... anak2 tadika lah.. UPSR lah.. eventually PMR... SPM... and now we are talking about anak2 yg dah ada driving licence, dan ada boyfren/galfren etc... Oh, No! i feel so old!!!!

Anyway, i hope things are getting better now on your side!

MrsNordin said...

Madam,

Thanks for the offer. I'll be glad to have you as company!

MrsNordin said...

Superwoman,

Nantilah cerita, ok? One of these days, over coffee.

MrsNordin said...

Hi Busymum,

I'm glad I'm not the only one here. Tough lah... to juggle motherhood, wifehood and womanhood. Most of the time, I tend to put motherhood above others, which is actually not good for my self-esteem. So now I'm thinking, in terms of time management, perhaps I should divide my time this way: 40:30:30 in terms of mumhood, wifehood and womanhood.

Thanks. Things are ok now on the home front.