Lessons in Love

I’ve finished reading that Goldie Hawn book. Very inspiring.

For a big star that she is (or was), she is actually quite ordinary. She worries over the same things, she cares about the same things, and she aspires to be just like any of us, that is, to be a good mother.

The only difference I picked up from my reading is how she treats her relationship with Kurt Russell. They’ve been together since 1983 and yet, they never marry. And why is that? It’s because she doesn’t believe that a marriage certificate is the only thing that could keep two people together and happy. “Been there, done that” she quips.

Putting aside the moral issue of living together out of wedlock, I think she has some good points to ponder about relationships. She says, eventhough they are not married, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have to work hard at the relationship. Infact, it makes her work harder.

“Everyday I wake up with the intention to be happy and the best that I can be. I try to make each day a new day. I try to remind myself each morning why I am in love. And when there are differences, I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes so I can feel what they are feeling, not just what I’m feeling. I try to look with four eyes instead of just my two”.

She also talks about keeping the flame burning, which I find quite fascinating. She says,

“I know it isn’t easy to keep the flame burning. People grow comfortable with each other, or they become creatures of habit. And they are always not in tune with their partners. Sometimes, when you have been in a relationship for a while, you get bogged down with a lot of negativity and dullness, and you get tired of dealing with all that stuff.

One trick when you’re feeling down about your relationship is to imagine life without the other. It is a very scary thing to ask yourself to do, because when you do it, you really get the sense of what your world looks like. Maybe you’ll like it better, in which case the relationship is probably over. But more often than not, you’ll see a huge void.”

Then she goes on to explain how to deal with the void:

“If you feel that void, if you feel sadness, then take out some pictures and remind yourself what you were once like. Laugh together at how young and stupid and how crazy you both were, or even how you looked. Photos are great triggers of memories and emotions. Ask yourself if you too have changed.”

Reading this particular chapter makes me come to my senses. Why am I angry all the time? Why am I always unhappy? I shouldn’t be too critical of my loved one. I shouldn’t try to make him what I want him to be. I should rejoice in our differences!

A philosopher Khalil Gibran once wrote about marriage, “Stand together, yet not too near together, for the pillars of the temple stand apart.” How very apt!

On that note, Ms Hawn has this to say about her man:

“There is nothing more unpleasant for me to see a man stripped of his power. I’ve watched it happen in my own home. It is far better to respect a man who has his own life, his own excitement, his own passion. Celebrate that in him, honour his variety and his power.

The next time you ask, “Why didn’t you call? Why were you late for dinner? Why didn’t you pick up the milk? Or continue to jab at what you view as his weaknesses, ask yourself, is this what you want to end up with? Is this your intention, to tame the beast? Is that the prize? The man who just says “Yes, dear” and falls asleep in the armchair every night?

Be careful what you wish for, because you might end up stripping away the vitality, the sexual energy of the man who you once thought as your knight in shining armor.”

Does that ring a bell?

A good read, try and grab a copy.