Friday, November 21, 2008

Little Nizzar?

Of late, a number of people have been asking me, "When's the next one?" By that, they meant when am I going to have a second baby.

This is the question that has been bugging me ever since I lepas pantang with Nizzar. Should I, should I not?

It’s a tough question. I really don’t know the answer. Most people say, just go for it. But deep down inside, I fear I may not be able to cope with another baby.

And why is that? Because I’m too old to have another baby? Because I tak larat nak jaga? Because I miss quality time with my husband? Because now Nizzar is somewhat older, I don’t have to worry about leaving him behind, but with another baby, it’ll be back to square one? Sleepless nights, breast feeding, baby diaper bag, hospital visits. Aarrgh…the list is endless!

Why don’t I have the maternal instinct? Is it because I’m selfish?

Ok, logically, I should have another one. A girl would be nice tho’ I really don’t mind if it’s another boy. Nizzar is my only biological child right now. He’s the youngest and very soon, all his sisters and brothers would leave the house leaving just him at home. He’ll be bored. But if I have another one, then they can grow up together. Ok, that’s the plus point. But the downside is, with two smaller ones at home, susahlah sikit nak kemana2. Tak langgas, kata orang Perak.

Also, when I'm older, if I have two, I could rely on them to look after me. We'll never know what's gonna happen in the future. My stepchildren may not want to care for me since I'm not their real mother. If that's the case, where am I going to turn to when MrNordin is no longer around? Old folks' home?? (oh no!) At least kalau ada anak sendiri ramai sikit, adalah tempat mengadu, kata orang.

But these are all guessing games. We'll never know for sure. Maybe my own children will not give a hoot about me when I'm older, instead my stepchildren would be the ones who I would look after me. Mana tahu?

To tell you the truth, even before I had Nizzar, I was hesitant about having a child. We got married in Jan 2004. After 1 ½ years baru I decided to have one. Itu pun after so many people pushed me with the question bila lagi? bila lagi? Boring lah nak jawab soalan tu. It was by choice, ok? I didn’t have any problem conceiving.

MrNordin was cool about it. He already had 3 children, so another baby was not in his list of priorities. Until one day, I think some friends bugged him with that question. Usually, he was ok with just saying “Nanti lah dulu…’, but I think, that day, something snapped and he had a change of mind about the whole thing.

I still remember, he pulled me into the bathroom and locked the door when I was getting ready to go out. I was surprised. He asked me, “Do you want to have a baby or not?’ (selalu dia tak kisah pun… ). I said, “Err…. I don’t know….”. He asked again, “What do you mean you don’t know? Ramai orang dah tanya, tau? (I think dia terasa kelelakiannya telah tergugat bila ramai sangat orang bertanya soalan tu!) What’s your problem?”

So I told him. I was afraid of getting fat during pregnancy and he wouldn’t love me anymore. Hee… heee…. He convinced me he would still love me the same, fat or not fat, and removed all my fears about pregnancy. He said he'd help with changing the diapers and feeding the baby. And keluarlah segala cerita how he took care of Nadim when he was small and when they travelled on holiday dulu. I was convinced he would make a great daddy for my unborn child and what a great help he would be.

But talk is cheap, my dear... I forgot that was some 10 years back when he was 10 years younger. But that's besides the point. He helped, of course, but not as much as what i had anticipated during our conversation in the bathroom.

So that night, while making love, I told him, “Let’s make a baby..” And a month later, I discovered I was pregnant. It was that easy.

So this time around, if I ever decided to have another child, I hope it would still be that easy. But I know our bathroom conversation will no longer linger because my husband has already cautioned that if I ever decided to have another baby, he will not be of much help becoz dia dah tak larat.

Well, at least he's being honest this time around !

40 comments:

busymum100 said...

MrsN,

Only YOU can answer the big question whether Nizzar shd have an adik or not.

You know all the pros and cons, "tepuk dada, tanya selera".

Mmg lah being pregnant at a later age is a bit difficult, but then again it's only your 2nd. Risk pun higher, but we can always berdoa lah, minta jauh semua tu...

Who knows, you might have a cute little girl? *wink*

Whatever your decision, you must be comfortable with it. Best wishes from me.

Madam Tai Tai said...

Ha..ha..'talk is cheap' - MEMANG!!

Chepul, by the time Haris arrived, had lost the novelty of caring for a baby. Dia tak jaga pun! That is why we only have two.

You mentioned this before - to have another one or not. If the only reason to have one is because you want Nizzar to have a companion when the older ones have left, I rasa tak payah lah. By that time, he would be already be in a Montessori or kindy. He would have lots of friends and also go for playdates. I don't think he will be lonely.

If you one want because your maternal love is craving for one, then go ahead. You got to have a child because you want it, not because you need it for someone else. If this is the reason for wanting one, you wouldn't mind the trouble and the lecehness that come with the baby. All that will be part and parcel of caring, nurturing and loving the baby. You'd embrace it with love.

Think it over apa you really want. And if you want to have another one, do it fast.

Aida said...

BJ,

Like Gina said... I need not repeat it.

Do it, for the right reasons.

Aida - now I want another one.... DH lak tak nak comply hahahahha

MrsNordin said...

Hi Busymum,

Until now, I still don't have the answer. Antara nak dan tak nak.

It's not so much of being pregnant, it's more of taking care of the baby after birth that I dread the most.

Perhaps I should see my gynae again and ask for his opinion. At my age and current health condition, is it wise to have another child? Then maybe I can form a better decision on this.

Thanks!

MrsNordin said...

Gina,

My maternal love is not craving for another one right now, that I can tell you. I've passed that phase, I think, but it may come back to haunt me later.

I will not rely on husband this second time around. Fat chance! He has already told me, you'll be on your own. What to do?

My mind is clouded and I'm always clueless whenever people pose me that question ~ Bila lagi? But thanks for your advise.

MrsNordin said...

Aida,

I envy you, you know what you want.

Madam Tai Tai said...

BJ,

Bila orang tanya 'Bila lagi?'...you jawab balik 'You nak jagakan ke?'. If their answer is postive, ok terima aje!

Aida said...

BJ and Gina,

Even if ppl say they will help to take care of the child, its not always they will be there... whereas u as the mum have to be there 24/7 kan kan...

BJ, I know what I want, but does not mean I will get it. Once u make up ur mind dear, never ever look back and think what ifs. Just live with the decision and look forward to the postitives please.

To tell u the truth in bringing up my kids, my DH's role is the banker semata-2 hehehehhe he helped a bit but not in the way some dads u hear do.... I was and still am happy with that role... sometimes I have the "they are MY kids" attitude... then he reminds me, they are "OURS" ehhehehehe yeah rite hehehhehe

U have a good weekend dear. Am estatic that DH is now at the airport on the way home ......

Aida said...

SOrry BJ, today my spelling and grammar atrocious...

its that time of the month am I am so bloated and byk angin...

one think I love about being preggers and bfeeding... THAT monthly visitor stops visiting.... best betul. 2 years break... bliss ehhehehe

syima said...

salam perkenalan mrs nordin.

i've been a silent reader of your blog for a while now and this entry intrigued me to leave comments...
i too have a feeling of adding another baby to our family especially now since i have 3 boys, a girl would be nice. but i'm having second thoughts on what if the 4th one is also a boy? these 3 pun dah a handful..what more me having a weekend marriage..yg tak tahan tu nak jaga selepas bersalin, berjaga mlm, menangis x henti2...itu yg sebabkan kena pikir byk kali...
hope you'll be able to make the best decision for yourself...

syahrilkadir said...

dulu masa mula2 kahwin ingat nak planning

last2 tak tahan bila member2 selalu perli

"peluru tak kena sasaran ke, hehehe"

part ni yang pakcik lemah ni,tercabar kejantanan

malam tu juga berperang habis-habisan, hahahaha

my wife pun hairan, buang tebiat ke orang tua ni

la ni dah ada putera sorang, alhamdulilah

MrsNordin said...

Aida,

I love being pregnant. It was an easy for me. After that yang teruk tu!

I think, we should not live in the flase hope that our husbands will help us mind the baby. They will help, but very little. For me, just show a little effort that you want to help out, I'll be very happy already.

But these days, I see him playing with Nizzar quite a bit and I'm a very happy mummy. Play Ultraman lah... apa lagi..

MrsNordin said...

Hi Syima,

I think, if you have a weekend husband, it's gonna be quite hard to cope with another baby. That's another reason why I put off the idea of having another one ~ my husband is always travelling these days.

I think 3 boys are wonderful already. Unless you really, really want a girl, then tak payahlah try lagi kut. But there are ways to make sure you conceive a girl. So if you really want a girl, seek medical help, ok?

Good luck!

MrsNordin said...

Syahril,

You are hilarious! I think that must be the reason why my husband confronted me in the bathroom that particular day!

Kak Teh said...

Mrs N, have another one only when you are ready. Only you know when you are ready. One thing about being away from families back home is that you dont have anyone else but each other and you do things together. I totally enjoyed that experience.

IBU said...

MrsN

1 child? 2 or more children? boys or girls... some say the more the merrier. some say boys easier to manage than girls.

This kind of decision, is not one to be made hastily based on what other people say.

I feel we should be comfortable & confident of the choices that we make in life, with some calculated risks. There'll be advantages & disadvantages. Be prepared for both, be mentally prepared for the unpredictable turns of events too. So long if we remember, we shall try our best, yet it's all written up there. That way we'll be 'free-r, than succumbing to blames & faults should somethings don't quite turn out to be the way we want it to be in the future. Everything & every situation is either a glass half full or half empty.

Whatever your choice would be, I wish you well.... insyaAllah..... AMin!!!

p/s I rasa macam nak sorang lagi!!! Sempat ke ni? Dah nak dekat pencen ni? ekekeke....

kay_leeda said...

MrsN,

No doubt Nizzar will ask you one of these days about "adik". But, I'm sure he's so much loved by all of you, "adik" or no "adik" will not matter much.

Have one (or more than one more even..) only if you really want to do so. Go talk to yr gynae. Hear him out from the medical view point pulak. Who knows, perhaps he will say this you, "Maam, looks like all systems intact, and you should definitely give it a GO!!"

Kalu you preggy lagi..best jugak kan. Boleh buat baby shower... ;)

wanshana said...

BJ,

I agree with the rest - you should only have another one (or two or three :)) when you know YOU want it, and when you're ready. And of course, when MrN is agreeable to the idea as well :)

We're also thinking of having another one - but, that's it - still at the "thinking" stage. Our youngest has been asking for a lil' brother. Hehehe...

Just follow your gut feeling whether you want to have another one or not, and discuss with MrN betul-betul if you feel strongly about it.

All the best, dear.

Superwomanwannabe said...

Eh J...

Sapa kata anak you sorang darling...you have four. Mentally, FOUR. Biologically, one, but when you are thinking of another one, the envivornment is of FOUR existing kids and you will be adding to that number. Kalau orang tanya..bila lagi, you katalah- ehh empat tu cukup lahhhh...

From your friend who allready has five but still nak gatal .

Hope said...

MrsN

It would be nice to have another one-a pair of your own. But like others said-only if you are willing and able to do it. I'm like you-pregnant senang, yang sakitnya nak menjaganya. Sometimes I wished I had my kids when I was older, more patience and understanding. I think with all the help around (maid etc), we are lucky in Malaysia. I tengok people here in UK have babies macam nak pecah satu dunia susahnya becoz there is no support around, so I am glad mine dah besar2 semua.

No doubt stepchildren are our children too, but tak sama seperti darah daging kita sendiri.

Goodluck!

Anonymous said...

Dear MrsNordin,

It is refreshing that you are honest about such a delicate but important life changing area.

Motherhood. No one can deny the fact that you have done well to raise 5 in your household. It is no easy task, frightening most times, overwhelming and humbling.

When asked 'bila lagi tambah satu?', I answer truthfully. If Allah gifts me with one, saya bersyukur. For now, I will concentrate on my existing gift. Let him have the best that my husband and I can give. He is amanah dari Allah.

As mothers, we know ourselves better than anyone, our capabilities and our limits.

Besarlah tanggungjawab dan amanah when we bring a child into this world.

I salute you and mrnordin for being true to yourselves.

MrsNordin said...

Kak Teh,

Actually, when I was pregnant with Nizzar, I didn't get much help from my parents or in laws either. Masa pantang pun tak... because we didn't want to menyusahkan they all. Sampai my mother kecik hati lah! Hee.. hee...

We chose to do it that way because we wanted to enjoy the experience. Susahlah sikit, but it was just us and like you, we liked it that way too.

MrsNordin said...

Ibu,

You nak lagi satu? If you want to, go ahead! Kalau dah ada terasa nak lagi satu tu, teruskan saja usaha sebelum terlambat. 40 is still not too late, you know?

MrsNordin said...

Kay,

That gives me an idea! Baby shower!!! Yoohoo...!! Can that be a reason to have another baby??

(come to think of it, best jugak, kan?)

MrsNordin said...

Shana,

Why don't the 3 of us (you, me & Ibu) get pregnant together next year? Hee... hee.... that would be wonderful! Isn't it? Baby shower kat Red Box, ok?!

MrsNordin said...

Shila,

You always look at things in a different perspective and I really appreciate that. It's true what you said, I have to deal with 4; not 1. Tambah lagi satu, dah jadi 5!! Alamak... ramainya anak I!! How you cope with 5 is beyond me!

MrsNordin said...

Hope,

You don't want to have kids when you're older... tak larat lah! Penat! Now I wish I had married earlier so that I could have my kids when I'm still in my early 30s. If I'm younger, I wouldn't think twice about having another one!

Lucky you all your kids are all grown up. When I am still moving around with baby bottles and diapers in my bag, you can rest assure you only need to think about your purse and blackberry in your handbag. Isn't that wonderful...

MrsNordin said...

Anon,

Thanks for your kind words. I suppose you're right about knowing one's abilities and limitations. I realise at this age, my patience and tolerance level are very low for little children, esp. on days when I'm tired from work. To add another one to my existing brood may be quite a challenge and I have to think extra hard on how to manage it.

So in the meantime, I will KIV this issue. Been doing a lot of thinking but no answer to date. So, KIV lah!

farizahb said...

MrsN,

There is such a thing as biological clock - so I'd say go for it! I have not heard of people regretting having children, but I have heard of people regretting NOT having one. I wished I could have more children, and what I wouldn't do to have just one more. . .

So my vote is yes, I maybe so bolt as to offer my opinion, he he

1na said...

Salam MrsN,

Fact : Anak sy dua-dua boy. 5 yo dan 2 yo.

FAQ :
Bila lagi nak tambah pompuan?

My Answer :
i) bila saya dah kurus
ii) ada petua ke boleh confirm dpt anak pompuan?

Reactions :
i) bila tu? lambat lagi nak kurus...
ii) ermm... erm

Dalam hati :
Teringin jugak ... tapi nanti la bila dah achieve Answer No. 1.

Annndddd

"Sapa2 boleh bagi petua nak dapat baby pompuan" keh keh keh

MrsNordin said...

Farizah,

I know how you feel about having another one and sorry if I've made you feel any less with this posting. Never meant for it to be that way...

I guess, rezeki kita lain2. Your junior maybe your only child, but he maybe the one who'll take care of you till the end. Some people, ada anak ramai pun tak boleh harap! That's worse!

MrsNordin said...

1na,

Kalau dah kurus, macamana nak beranak lagi? Sayanglah dah penat2 slim down, naik balik badan lepas bersalin! That's why I sampai sekarang malas nak kuruskan badan! Hee.. heee... (that's just an excuse)

Petua nak dapat anak perempuan ada banyak. Cuba you buat posting on this, sure ramai orang akan hulurkan petua.

Thanks for dropping by!

farizahb said...

MrsN,

Oh no, no apology at all - you didn't make me feel terasa or anything, but I do feel envious:-)

Betul cakap you, anak ni memang rezeki, so memang patut bersyukur dengan apa yang kita ada, ya tak. Tapi tetap jugak jealous tengok orang ramai anak (macam cik Ezza kita :-))

mrsnordin said...

Farizah, i'm glad to know u r cool abt it . Ezza is probably a very strong woman and love big families, tt's why she has 6! Anyway, m writing using my mobile phone (1st time!) so can't write long. Sakit jari jemari! Cheers! MrsN

Kmar said...

BJ,

I memang ´teringin´ nak anak lagi tapi my hubby yang a bit reluctant sebab the cost of living here memang tinggi. Nasib baik rezeki kami dapat one pair. Kalau both are boys or girls dah lama I akan ´usahakan´ nak dapat lagi seorang... he.he.he..

Btw, actually ´tepuk dada, tanya selera´. Kalau dah bersedia, go ahead or else should be thankful with what you have.

Ezza Aziz said...

MrsN,
I dengar nama I di sebut2..hahaha
sebenar nya I tak rancang nak anak ramai ni...rapat rapat pulak tu..nak tau pasal apa..pasal lupa makan ubat..lagi satu lepas pantang udah tak menyempat yempat nak...you know laaa kan...itu la sebab nya...yang akak ni jenis subur pulak tu...nasib baik yang bongsu ni dok srh ikat..kalau tak mau berderet lagi...aku dah penat beli pampers....nenen ni dah tak mau tegang dah..sekarang ni masa nak relek....you apa cam...napa dah lama tak update ni..makan angin ker..

Superwomanwannabe said...

kehkehkeh!! Geli hati baca komen Kak Ezza

Nenen dah loyot oiiiiii- best excuse not to have anymore!

MrsNordin said...

Kmar,

It's good that both of you think of this issue that way. Raising a child is not cheap these days. Milk powder, pampers, baju, food, and later education...

If you can afford it, of course go ahead and have as many as you like. But if you can't, then maybe two is enough coz you want to give each child the best of everything.

Take care!

MrsNordin said...

Ezza,

Hee... hee... nenen tu memang a big issue. I baru anak satu, they are already heading down south! Macamana nak buat dia perky balik, ya ? (save for having an implant!)

Orang lelaki memang tak menyempat tunggu kita habis pantang. Kesian jugak kat they all... but what to do? I remember I was so nervous the first time I tried to have s** after pantang dulu. Rasa macam virgin pulak! Hee.. hee....

MrsNordin said...

SW,

Kak Ezza tu memang kelakar!! I think she's a cool and funny lady!