Eulogy

I read about Ruby Ahmad’s passing this morning. So sad...

I’ve never met this woman personally but I’ve always follow her blog. She was so full of zest. And she had so many friends, old and new.

From her photos, I perceived her as someone who was very friendly, unpretentious, always wanted to do new things, see new places and meet new friends. And she was always smiling.

I secretly told myself, I wanted to be just like her.. to live my life to the fullest and make the most of everyday that I have.

So when I heard the news, I was shocked. I can’t believe that she’s gone. Just like that!

The comments I see on her passing in Facebook and blogspot are so touching. One said, "she’s a bright spark.. always giving her best to others..", and another one said, "she’s a nice lady.. full of zest.. bubbly.. first time you met her, she made you feel as if you’re a long lost friend or something.."

That’s when it hit me. How would people describe me when I’m gone? What would people remember me by?

I was asked to perform this task in one of the courses I attended long before, to write an eulogy about oneself. I can’t remember what I wrote then but right now, I would like to know how I will be remembered when I die… by my husband, my children, my friends, my family… don’t you?

Think of that for one second.

You know, when I first met MrNordin, in one of his e-mails to me, he did write something about his late wife. He said this,

“To me, I have not only lost a wife and mother to my children but my best friend, confidante, partner, advisor, critic, girlfriend and lover. I always believe one can get another wife easily but it’s the rest that I find difficult to find.”

I wonder if he would say the same thing about me when I'm gone…

I know for sure, my children will not describe me as a great cook. They would say that about their father, though. Sometimes when they come home from a party at their friend’s house, they would say things like, “Aunty XXX’s brownie is very nice!” Or, Kak Seri makes the best assam pedas or whatever. I don’t think they’ll have anything great to say about my cooking.

Or sometimes, I hear people describing their mother as, “She’s a great mum. Ever so gentle, she’s always there for me whenever I need her.” Err… I don’t think I qualify for that statement either.

But I can sort of gauge what my children think of me through the cards they sent me on Mother’s Day or my birthday. Children are transparent and they are very honest in what they say. So, I do know what my children think of me to a certain extent, and I’m happy to know just that.

When it comes to friends, it's quite tricky. Some friends make good company but they are not so good in times of trouble. Some friends are not such great "party friends", but you know you can turn to them when you're having a bad day. Some friends will go out of their way to help you, while some don't. So, pick and choose but keep as many friends as you can.

As for me, I would like to be a better friend to my friends. As the saying goes, “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”

I’d like to be thought of as a "friend in need" rather than a "friend for fun", if you know what I mean. So that when I die, I will be remembered as, "A great friend who almost always go out of her way to help you whenever you are in trouble..."

That would make a great eulogy.

Anyway, what I’m saying is, be good, all the time, so people will remember us for all the good things we’ve done and not otherwise.

Rest in peace, Ruby Ahmad.