Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Eulogy

I read about Ruby Ahmad’s passing this morning. So sad...

I’ve never met this woman personally but I’ve always follow her blog. She was so full of zest. And she had so many friends, old and new.

From her photos, I perceived her as someone who was very friendly, unpretentious, always wanted to do new things, see new places and meet new friends. And she was always smiling.

I secretly told myself, I wanted to be just like her.. to live my life to the fullest and make the most of everyday that I have.

So when I heard the news, I was shocked. I can’t believe that she’s gone. Just like that!

The comments I see on her passing in Facebook and blogspot are so touching. One said, "she’s a bright spark.. always giving her best to others..", and another one said, "she’s a nice lady.. full of zest.. bubbly.. first time you met her, she made you feel as if you’re a long lost friend or something.."

That’s when it hit me. How would people describe me when I’m gone? What would people remember me by?

I was asked to perform this task in one of the courses I attended long before, to write an eulogy about oneself. I can’t remember what I wrote then but right now, I would like to know how I will be remembered when I die… by my husband, my children, my friends, my family… don’t you?

Think of that for one second.

You know, when I first met MrNordin, in one of his e-mails to me, he did write something about his late wife. He said this,

To me, I have not only lost a wife and mother to my children but my best friend, confidante, partner, advisor, critic, girlfriend and lover. I always believe one can get another wife easily but it’s the rest that I find difficult to find.

I wonder if he would say the same thing about me when I'm gone…

I know for sure, my children will not describe me as a great cook. They would say that about their father, though. Sometimes when they come home from a party at their friend’s house, they would say things like, “Aunty XXX’s brownie is very nice!” Or, Kak Seri makes the best assam pedas or whatever. I don’t think they’ll have anything great to say about my cooking.

Or sometimes, I hear people describing their mother as, “She’s a great mum. Ever so gentle, she’s always there for me whenever I need her.” Err… I don’t think I qualify for that statement either.

But I can sort of gauge what my children think of me through the cards they sent me on Mother’s Day or my birthday. Children are transparent and they are very honest in what they say. So, I do know what my children think of me to a certain extent, and I’m happy to know just that.

When it comes to friends, it's quite tricky. Some friends make good company but they are not so good in times of trouble. Some friends are not such great "party friends", but you know you can turn to them when you're having a bad day. Some friends will go out of their way to help you, while some don't. So, pick and choose but keep as many friends as you can.

As for me, I would like to be a better friend to my friends. As the saying goes, “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”

I’d like to be thought of as a "friend in need" rather than a "friend for fun", if you know what I mean. So that when I die, I will be remembered as, "A great friend who almost always go out of her way to help you whenever you are in trouble..."

That would make a great eulogy.

Anyway, what I’m saying is, be good, all the time, so people will remember us for all the good things we’ve done and not otherwise.

Rest in peace, Ruby Ahmad.

19 comments:

mama cunn said...

to me kak yati ialah seorang kawan yg baik hati, friendly and penyayang to your family and friends!! take care kak.

Madam Tai Tai No More said...

Alfatihah to the late Ruby Ahmad. I've heard of her and have read her blog before, however perhaps not a great follower like you. But from what little I read, she was a woman full of zest. Definitely.

If ever you left us BJ, please know that you have made a great impact in my life. You have always been a good friend - not only as a kawan bergembira but also a kawan who is often there and someone I can count upon whenever. So thank you for being a great friend.

Naz said...

MrsN,
I'm also reflecting on life in general today ... more so than on normal days.
Her passing did that to me. Not because I knew her personally but rather, because yet once again I'm reminded of how fragile life is. Tuhan tak kan mempercepatkan atau melambatkan yang dah tertulis.
It is very humbling...

I have yet to meet you in person but I know you'll make a good friend, in the way that really counts.
Take care, sweet Mrs N :)

Aishah said...

kak yati,

honestly u also did something that I can learn.....what ever you said is something that....so sincere...coming from your heart.

Nek Rock said...

Yoo Mrs N dear,

You are such a nice person, knew your writings before we met and that is good enough for me to conclude that you are a terrfic person!

Alfatihah to the late Ruby Ahmad.

AuntieYan @ Makcik Blogger said...

Salam Mrs.N,

You are right. Like you, I always wonder what people/friends wiil say about me when I die.

Will they say..."heee...makcik ni teruk tau!...laser semacam?..." (habis le I )...or, "..dia ni sombong/berlagak/perasan..." or..dia ni, kalau bercakap tak reti nak stop"...and...banyak lagi.

Tau takut kan???...he!...he!..better behave myself :-)

As for you, eventhouh we never meet, by reading your blog, I always admire you for being such a good step-mum...and a good wife to Mr.N...your never show jealuosy to the late Mrs.N No.1.

My office-mate, who married for the second time (the first wife died of cancer)told me that his wife (the second one) never allow him to keep the photos of the late wife...kalau nak simpan, kat ofis saja....kesiankan....silly betul lah... :-(

Al-Fatihah to Arwah Ruby.

MrsNordin said...

Hi Mama Cunn,

Thank you for your kind words. I sure do hope I can sustain those characters till the day I die. Whoever you are, I'm sure you are another good person too.

Take care.

MrsNordin said...

MTT,

I've made a great impact in your life? Hee... hee... I remember our conversations many years ago!

I feel the same way about you. Without you, I wouldn't have gotten over those dark episodes in my life that easily.

One thing about you, you are such a great listener. Tiap2 malam I datang rumah you and bore you with my sob stories pun, you didn't mind. Hee.. hee.. even if you did, you didn't show it to me! And I love you for that, girlfriend.

Take care!

MrsNordin said...

Naz,

I feel the same way about her passing... that life is so fragile. You'll never know when you're gonna go. And it scares me..

But for her (Ruby), I think she has had a fulfilling life. Orang baik, memang Tuhan akan panggil cepat. So, if I've had her kind of life and had done my deeds, I wouldn't have any regrets about "going" either.

You know, Naz, I wasn't fishing for compliments when I wrote this piece. But it seems like many have left kind words for me, and I'm touched. I've never met you either, but I think we can be friends for a long, long time. Stay true to yourself and take care.

MrsNordin said...

Aishah,

Sincerity... honesty... is such a lonely word (as Elton John sang it). I just wrote what came to my mind. No hidden meaning, and I'm glad you like it that way. Take care.

MrsNordin said...

Nek!

Hi! Dah lama tak singgah di sini! Everyday I would visit your blog but just to browse, never did I leave any comment. Thanks for dropping by and thanks for the compliment.

What I think of you in one word? "Cool" - the word describes you perfectly! You're a cool friend! That's why you rock!!

MrsNordin said...

Auntie,

I think when we die, people would always think of the good things about us, not the bad ones (they'd better not!). But I wonder the same like you and I hope it's all good.

As for you, I don't really know you and I've not met you, but I think you are a loving mother to your children. The things you said about your son, how you fuss about what they eat.... they just show you care.

And you are a dear wife to your husband. And that's good! Have a nice day!

Anonymous said...

Mrs N,

K.Ruby was my senior frm school, I have never talked to her actually. I will definitely miss her postings on the egroup we shared. She was definitely full of life and guess what, you both have similarities in the smile! I used to wonder if you were related.

Busybody

MrsNordin said...

Hi Busybody,

Iya ke we have the same smile? Hee.. hee.. that's interesting! But no, we are not related.

bella said...

MrsN, I read about the passing yesterday and yes I was shocked too. I read her blog, silently of course. Al Fatihah to her...
However for you, I can tell you that, you have made an impact in my life. Your writings have done that and it has also made me thinking a lot of time. Your constructive critism have allowed me to grow and I thank you for that. I hope we can continue to be friends, and maybe we can now organize that lunch, or tea...hehehe...I do have your number...sometimes, I am intimidated to contact you all, I think I ni "kerdil" je. However, I doakan you panjang umur and dilimpahi kesihatan berpanjangan...Amin...

MrsNordin said...

Hi Bella,

Yes, we must do that lunch/tea appointment. You know my number, just call or SMS me whenever you want to. I'm usually free for lunch. After work pun boleh, esp. when MrN is not in town.

I'm glad to know that I have made some impact in your life through my writings. We share things through our blogs and whatever is good, kita jadikan panduan.

I look forward to getting that call or SMS from you. Take care now!

mumsie said...

please don't die...

Superwomanwannabe said...

BJ-

a very genuine person who gave so much

Superwomanwannabe said...

BJ - somehow i suspect my eulogy will be this- Shila. she just could not stop talking.