Can We Forgive and Forget?

Aunty A’s death marked the end of my MIL’s nightmare.

For the past 35 years, she and my FIL have been fighting over Aunty A, a third party in their marriage. My MIL could never accept her presence. Even on her death bed, my MIL never forgave her for stealing her husband.

This is a story that has run in the family for many, many years. It’s a well known fact that my MIL and her “madu” were public enemies. Every week, there must be at least one quarrel over this and it’s usually on the day when my FIL went to Aunty A’s house to spend the night.

I don’t really know Aunty A. I’ve only met her twice before. But from what I gathered from MrNordin, she married my FIL when my MIL was pregnant with her third child, ie. my youngest BIL. The marriage was kept a secret and my MIL only found out about it after two years. That’s what made it hurt so bad.

My MIL was a very devoted wife. To her, her husband is everything. So when someone else came into the picture and claimed possession of her husband, she was shattered. And she was mad, for a very long time…

She had so much hatred for Aunty A. The very mention of her name would send her furious. But my FIL played his cards well. Both never met face to face and he treated both wives equally. Only thing was, either way, sure kena marah punya. Bila pegi rumah bini muda, isteri tua meradang; bila pegi rumah bini tua, isteri muda pulak merajuk. Macam lagu P.Ramlee.

Kesian my FIL..

Like that lah for 35 years. Even at 73 years old, my MIL still had the energy to fight with my FIL over Aunty A. I understand she was bitter and angry, but still angry after 35 years? I don't know...

When I met my MIL yesterday after the funeral, she seemed somewhat happy. My FIL was obviously devastated. My MIL didn’t go to the funeral tho’ I wished she had gone.

As I was sitting in the mosque waiting for the body to come out of the bath, I wished my MIL had come, even for a while, to sedekahkan Al-Fatihah. Let by gone be by gone, kata orang. She’s dead now anyway.

If she had gone to the mosque yesterday, she would be blessed. She would earn the respect from everyone for doing such a noble thing. In addition, she would make my FIL, her husband, a very happy man despite the difficult circumstances that he was in yesterday.

But she refused. My SIL talked to her on the phone and asked her to forgive Aunty A for whatever hurtful things that she had done. But her answer was, “As far as I’m concerned, she does not exist”. My husband offered her a ride if she had wanted to attend the funeral, but she declined saying that she wasn’t well. Keras betul hati dia!

But then again, perhaps it was her ego that stopped her from going yesterday. Who knows... perhaps deep down in her heart, she has already forgiven her? We'll never know.

Sigh… what a sad ending...

As I watched all her children and cucu crying as they kapankan her body, I couldn’t help thinking that there must something special about this woman. They seemed to love her very much. She must be a good mother and a loving opah.

Usually, little children wouldn’t understand death and would just carry on playing at a funeral. But during Aunty A’s funeral yesterday, it was the little children who cried the most. One grandchild sat at her feet while another sat near her head, weeping incessantly. It broke my heart to see them cry like that.

I think, during her lifetime, Aunty A loved children tremendously.

And it was her rezeki when during the sembahyang jenazah, there were so many children from the nearby sekolah agama who came and pray for her. The masjid was full to the brim with children, said my husband.

And her last resting place?

It was surrounded by children’s graves.

Oh my... such is God's greatness!

May her soul rest in peace, Amin...